squeetus

Books connecting far-away family

I want to tell you a quick story, with permission from who told it to me, of the unexpected ways books connect us. A few years ago I did a photographic essay of men and boys reading Princess Academy to illustrate that, yes, this does happen and yes, it is okay for heaven's sake. One of the participants is this man, who I've known for years:

He is a family man. He has many children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren and is hands-on involved in their lives in an active, loving manner. He's a treasure. A few years ago one of his grandchildren gave up her two precious children for adoption. As is often the case, even though it was for the best, it was still very hard for the whole family.

The two kids, a brother and sister, joined a loving family. And not knowing that their birth grandparents knew me, they apparently became fans of my books. One day the grandson is reading through my past blog posts and sees the above picture. He recognizes "Papa." And so the boy has his mother take a picture of him reading Princess Academy in the same manner, recreating the photo. His adoptive mother sends the picture to his birth mother, who shows the birth grandparents. And today, with tears, they showed it to me.

Thoughts on Mother's Day

Yesterday (Mother's Day) my 4yo woke me up at 6:30 am. She busied herself with something for a few minutes, so I opened my computer and wrote this.

It's mother's day! And I am a mother. I am not a goddess. I am not a saint. I am not an angel. I am Wile E. Coyote and perfection is the Road Runner. There have been times in my life when I yearned to be a mother and couldn't. There have been times when I was a mother and would have offered up the title to Mephistopheles in exchange for a few hours of sleep. At times I have wept with transcendental joy at the profound miracle of these precious tiny individuals, and hummed and sang and nearly burned up with the honor of being the one who got to care for them. At times I have wept with the crushing burden of being that one and allowed my gaze to flick to the road and contemplate, even for a second, on the possibility of just running away.

Most days fall somewhere between transcendental and crushing.

Mothers are not more blessed and sacred and noble than any other person. To claim so is unloading shovelfuls of weight on us that frankly makes it harder to do what we have to do. Also what we love to do, yearn to do, loathe to do. Choose to do. I am a mother. And I am flawed and messy and stumbling around making all this up as I go along. I don't have the time or the balance to stand on a pedestal. I need to be down on my bare feet, down on my knees at times, in the muck of life. But by all means, give me some chocolate today and an extra hour to sleep in. And give me a day when I'm reminded to think about my own mother, mother-in-law, and leagues of women, with or without children, who don't have the time or balance for a pedestal but are just their badass selves, down here with me, making this all up as we go along.

Here's what's up

The Forgotten Sisters, the final book in the Princess Academy series, hits shelves one week from today. Preorder the book from anywhere and get a free poster.

Here are details of my upcoming appearances in Utah, Chicago, North Carolina, Wyoming, and Santa Monica. I need to focus more on writing and family than on trips and book events, so I will be cutting back wherever possible this year. Catch me while you can!

What am I currently working on? Nine things. Short stories, screenplays, a graphic novel, an adult novel, some middle grade and young adult novels. I honestly don't know which one will be finished and out first. I often hear non-writers muse that coming up with ideas must be the hardest part of writing. There are many things harder than coming up with ideas.

1. Sitting my butt down and writing every day
2. Ignoring the internet
3. Not letting myself get discouraged
4. Getting enough sleep at night
5. Eating healthy food
6. Ignoring the internet
7. Choosing which ideas to work on first
8. Staying with one book till it's finished and not getting distracted by all the other shiny ideas
9. Sitting my butt down and writing every day
10. Balancing work time with business/publicity and family needs

Today I took my four-year-olds to their indoor soccer class, stood outside the door, and had a phone interview with Sally from Publisher's Weekly about Princess Academy's tenth anniversary. The class pit the girls against the boys. My daughters had a stunning plan for victory: stand directly in front of the PVC-pipe-and-net goal and twirl their hair in eerie unison. And then when a boy kicked the ball anywhere near them, they picked up the goal and turned it around. I watched and laughed and gave my interview. A janitor overheard me on the phone and interrupted the call to ask, "Are you a writer? Do you have any books out? What are they? I love to read."

So do I, my friend.

On writing, privilege, and being a working mom

A Salon article sparked some conversations yesterday on twitter and rightly so. I thought the article writer made some excellent points (as well as missed some others), but it all feeds into the conversation we've been having the last couple of weeks about writers and money and how we use our time. I think it's vital to acknowledge privilege wherever we have it--yes I've worked hard, I've sacrificed a lot to be able to write books, but I've also had help. It was a huge help that for the first 8 months of my marriage we lived on my husband's income while I finished The Goose Girl. When my student loan payments kicked in, I put aside fulltime writing to get a job, and my writing became slower and more sporadic.

We had some rocky years with job losses and recession, but then there were 2 1/2 cushy years when he had a job that paid our bills and I was able to stay home with our first child, who did not have special needs and was a good napper. (I did have two books published at this point, but that income was pocket change.) I was able to write Princess Academy, River Secrets, and Austenland during that time. I've written while having a fulltime job, I've written with small children and no babysitting help, I've put in the hardcore years. But I've been much more productive when I didn't have to work full time, when I did have a babysitter, etc.  Circumstance has as much to do with the ability to create art as talent and passion.

Privilege also meant I was born in a house with books in it. Both my parents were college graduates. I didn't have to worry about where I was getting my next meal. I wasn't mocked for spending a Saturday reading. I was encouraged and able to attend college. I was encouraged and supported in my decision to get an MFA. At every point in my life, I've been surrounded by people literate in things like how to apply for college or a student loan or a checking account, all the nitty gritty stuff that helps lead to success that I had the privilege of taking for granted.

One part of the article stood out to me. The writer tells about a bookstore event she attended for a breakout, successful author.

"When...an audience member, clearly an undergrad, rose to ask this glamorous writer to what she attributed her success, the woman paused, then said that she had worked very, very hard and she’d had some good training, but she thought in looking back it was her decision never to have children that had allowed her to become a true artist. If you have kids, she explained to the group of desperate nubile writers, you have to choose between them and your writing. Keep it pure. Don’t let yourself be distracted by a baby’s cry."

When I was young and hopeful of becoming a writer, I believed that was true too. I'd heard other women writers say the same. I thought I'd have to choose between being a writer or being a mother. It was a great motivator for me, actually, to finish The Goose Girl because I thought that would be it. I needed to get one book out before having a kid because then it would be all over.

Twenty books and four children later, it's not all over.

I've written at length about living in the crossroads of art and mothering. It's challenging for sure. And I have a feeling that the books I write (genre, for children), that glamorous, childless writer wouldn't consider real books anyway. But it's simply not true that children prevent deep thought, the creation of art, the passion for something as involved and longterm as writing a novel. There are many writers who have proved otherwise, over and over again. And for me, the more years I spend with my kids, the more stories I'm eager to tell, both for them and for me.

When my kids read my teenage journal

I dug out my childhood journal this week to read for research. I showed my 10yo and 7yo entries from when I was their age. And then I left it out while I went to put my younger kids to bed.

When I came back, my older kids had read on and found a post from when I was 14, depressed, and talking about killing myself. My initial reaction was shame and regret. I didn't want my kids to see in me that weakness. I was afraid of the mere topic of suicide. But I took a breath and said a prayer and we sat down to talk.

It turned out to be an amazing conversation. They wanted to know why I'd felt that way. THey were concerned about me. My first job was to assure them I was fine. We talked about my younger years, why I felt that way, and why sometimes there's no reason other than just plain sadness. We talked about how at the time for various reasons I didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to about it, and how my job as their mom was to always be someone they could talk to. And about suicide in general--what it is, and how if anyone ever tells them they want to hurt or kill themselves, they should tell me. That is a secret we never keep.

I think sometimes our instinct as parents is to hide our vulnerabilities. But it can be powerful for kids to understand that we went through hard stuff and came out okay. That can be a sturdy hope to cling to when they go through their own stuff. If we try to put up a veneer of perfection out of a misguided attempt to seem trustworthy and stable, we miss the opportunity to show empathy. My kids maybe now are more likely to admit to me their own worries and weaknesses because they know I'll understand.

Merry Christmas from our family

Merry Christmas and happy holidays, y'all! Lots of stuff going down in 2014. As a last look at 2013, here's some tweets (and some slightly-longer-than-tweets) I wrote about our family over the past year. May your own year be as abundant in toddler toots.

 

THE HUSBAND AND ME

Setting up a nativity set.
Me: I can't find baby Jesus.
The Husband: Have you looked in your heart?

Friend: There is no "i" in team.
The Husband: But there is a great deal of meat.

Me (sick): My body's telling me that I really need to rest.
The Husband: My body's telling me that I need to go see a movie.

The Husband just walked in with a metal bar across his shoulders, swings attached to each end, and a child swinging from each swing. (not the toddlers, the older kids)

On realizing two of our friends are textbook hipsters:
Me: I wonder what we are.
The Husband: probably Affable Weirdos.

Me: I'm going to see the Little, Brown people when I'm in New York.
Husband: Yes, it is a diverse city.
#publishinghumor

I'm so lucky to have the kind of husband who I can email "what would an evil character name a pet rat?" and get 10 excellent names in return.

The Husband's name ideas for an evil rat: Scapula, Scrapple, First Lieutenant Skittery Boo, Holland Oats, Third Try, Bubonick, Marrow, and Steve

Tonight The Husband and I slow-danced, a 2yo on each of our shoulders. Appropriately, the song: "Don't Get Around Much Anymore"

Each evening I make plans to do X,Y, and Z after the kids go to bed. But by the time everyone's down, all I can manage is Zzz...

Me: It is hard, you know, when you love something and work so hard and yet some people hate it.
My dad: Tell 'em to shove it.
#advice

Just wrote about my villain, "She had such beautiful, beautiful pans." I meant "plans," but now want to have her obsessed with pans.

One of the most alarming things about being a parent is realizing our parents must have been faking it too.

One of my favorite things about young children: when we're walking, if I put my hand out, they'll hold it.

No, Mama won't stop cleaning the kitchen to hold you while you're eating a lollipop you stole from your sister's room. That would defeat the reason I pretended not to notice.

My 2yo was just sitting with her butt in the air 6 inches from my face and tooted epically loud. #preciousmoments #childrenareourfuture


THE KIDDOS

9yo yells at 6yo: "Just because I fell asleep for a second means you have to put your foot in my mouth?"

9yo to toddler: "No thanks, I'm not going to eat this chewed up meat you just spit into my hand."

There was a bowed swoop of clouds in the sky. My 9yo said, "look, it's an albino rainbow."

6yo was supposed to be getting into bed. Missing. Finally found her in the dryer. Opened the door. She said "meow"

All the toilet paper rolls in the house mysteriously disappeared. I discovered them stacked in my 6yo's room, used for bowling pins.

My 6yo: I almost didn't recognize you because you look fat in that shirt.
Me: do you mean majestic?
Her: no.

My 6yo making colored glue paintings: "The ones that are mistakes are beautifuler than the real ones!"

My 6yo just gave her plush cat a haircut so the cat would have a hairball to cough up

In my room writing. Kids out there with sitter. Little 6yo hand just pushed a ziploc bag full of water under my door. There are three dandelions inside. I think she's giving me an under-the-door version of a vase of flowers.

My 6yo screams from the other room: "Everybody in the whole wide world knows how to draw a werewolf except me!"

Today my 6-year-old held up a square of rubber and asked, “What is this?”
“A hot pad,” I said.
She scowled at it and then dropped it on the floor. She stood on it and jumped, and scowled again, unsatisfied. She held it up and inspected it, confused.
“You can put the hot pad in the kitchen,” I said, thinking she was wondering what to do with it.
“Oh,” she said, “I thought you said hop-pad.”

My toddlers are a heartwarming example of cooperation. Together, they can pull the freezer drawer open and then toss out all the contents.

2yo holds up knife and fork and slowly advances toward her dad: "Don't be scared, Papa. Don't be scared your face. I saw you soft."

Me: ok we should go
2yo: no we should didn't

My toddlers use screaming like an octopus uses ink.

Toddler friend has arrived to play with my 2yos. They're greeting her with repeated "Hi little poopy head." I'm so proud.

Me: Come here, love.
2yo: I'm not a love!
Me: I call you that because I love you.
2yo *considers*: Ok, I'm a love.

My toddler has turned flailing into a martial art.

2yo, stomping, with hands in fists: "I'm a MAD princess!"

My 2yos have begun giving each other permission to do as they please. "You don't wanna go night-night? It's okay, you don't have to."

On a walk, my 2yo: "Aw, the trees love me."

Me: Don't kick your sister.
2yo: I didn't kick her! I petted her with my feet.

Early this morning, Dinah climbed onto my bed, stuck an adhesive eyeball to my cheek, and said, "Surprise! You are going to school."
Kids invented surreal.

My 3yo started to cry.
Me: What's the matter?
3yo: I toot and it smells really stinky.

My toddler twins, standing in front of the mirror:
"That one's you and that one's me."
"No that one's me and that one's you."

This morning as I got my 3yo out of bed, she declared, "Mama, today I am going to grow bigger."

3yo: "I'm going to turn into a princess now."
Clenches fists, whole body trembles, screams as if in metamorphic pain.

3yo just announced, "Somebody peed in my pants."
Sure enough, they were wet. Who would do such a thing?!

Toddler girls in ballet costumes. Spinning, lurching, stomping. Never have they looked more like little ogres.

Leaving the room, my 3yo said, "I gotta bounce," and then she literally bounced away.

Writing and mother: how I (sort of) do both

One of the most common questions I get: How do you find time to write and be a mother? I've written twice about this, when I had one kid and again when I had two. I reread what I wrote there and find everything is still relevant. But I want to add, because now I have four small children, ages 2 1/2 - 9, and life is very tricky. Even if I wasn't a writer and didn't work outside the home, having two school-aged kids and two toddlers makes for a tricky, tricky day. So how do I manage to do both?

I need help. Before, I could manage to find sporadic writing time here and there. When I had one child who napped, nap time was writing time, without fail. By the time I had 5 published books and two non-napping children, I realized this writing thing was technically a career and I didn't have to be a martyr and I could give myself permission to get help. Originally I had a sitter that came over 9 house/week. This past year, it's up to 17 hours/week. And it's not enough to do all I could/should do. But it has to be. Because I don't want to have a full-time nanny even if that was feasible. I want to be a stay-at-home mom. And I don't want writing to take over my evening-husband time or my weekend-family time. So my sitter has saved me. And for the most part, I seem to be writing as much as my non-parent full-time-writer friends even though I have a part time schedule. I think I've learned how to make the minutes count.

The balance is insane. I constantly have to check myself, make sure I'm making enough time for my kids and making that time count, make sure I'm not letting unnecessary things encroach on my writing time. I constantly have to remind myself that I have to say no, no, and no, again and again, to the many requests and pleas and invites I get. I feel guilty constantly. I get angry emails. I disappoint friends and extended family. I'm accused of not giving back enough. Sometimes I think only other writers understand how hard you have to fight to keep your writing time.

I can write. I can mother. And that's it. As a writer and a mother of two children, I thought I didn't have any spare time. And then we added twins to our family, and I wondered what I used to do with all that spare time. I cannot give up my writing. I would go insane. I would be the woman staring at the yellow wallpaper. So we've figured it out. I'm lucky that my husband has always been the primary wage earner, so I haven't had that stress. Still, there's a lot I've given up to keep writing and keep being a stay-at-home mom. Like social anything. Lots of book publicity. Networking opportunities. Hobbies. Yard work. Housework. Driving my kids to lots of classes and activities. Sports and interests and some friends and loads of potential friends and just about anything you can name. I've had to sacrifice it in order to keep writing and yet still have heaps of time for my family. I am not capable of doing it all, whatever it is. Not everyone can or is willing to live the kind of life being a writer mom demands, and I respect that absolutely. But those two things mean everything to me, and that's how I keep going.

I take a day of rest. I usually don't write on Saturdays and I never write on Sundays. I need a day of rest. I go to church, spend computer-free time with my family, visit relatives, read, cook, relax (as much as one can relax with four small children), try to do good works. I think this day is an important day. The demands of my story are always there, nipping at my ankles whenever I leave my computer to do my mom stuff. It's a little exhausting. So having a day where I tell myself, "No writing today" is good for me, a way to turn off. 'Cause the rest of the week I'm obsessive.

Writing is not a hobby. I've talked about this before. Writing is not safe, comforting, something you can pick up now and again like that pretty cross-stitch pattern you've always wanted to finish. It's demanding. Writing a book is like adopting a child. She can't be neglected. You can't leave her home like a pet when you go out--the story goes with you everywhere. She needs lots of attention. Attention you want to give. But treating novel writing like any other hobby would leave me unfulfilled, frustrated, and novel-less.

I just can't stress enough: to make something as demanding as writing work while also immersed in something as demanding as full-time parenting, I have to be so committed. Ruthlessly committed. Willing to sacrifice all other distractions. Since adding our twins, I eat less. I shower less, do my hair less, rarely wear makeup. I read less. I don't go to plays like I used to or keep up with penpals or take care of chores and errands in a timely manner. I weed less and cook less and do all those other things that used to feel like non-negotiables a lot less, because these two little cuties demand more of my time, and I have to find other things to cut out of my life in order to save my writing. I'm brutal about it. And I'm hardcore.

I know it's the right thing for me. I would be so unhappy if I didn't get to write. Being the primary care giver to four small children takes a lot of focus and energy and is exquisitely rewarding in its own way, but it doesn't always use my mind or creativity the way I need. As well, I'm addicted to progress and completion. Motherhood never ends. Books do. I need those page and draft and book completion milestones to help me measure my productivity and feel like a useful human being. Writing helps me be a better mother, helps me relax and enjoy the mothering moments more. When mama's happy, everyone's happy. I know some judge me for my choices, and by no means do I think my choices are right for everyone. But I couldn't do what I do if I wasn't absolutely sure it was the right choice for me.

Writing is one thing; publishing another. The more books I have published, the more business and publicity demands on my time, and the less time I have for writing. That's one reason when I meet writers who are asking me about how to get published before they've even completed one book, I tell them, please, slow down, concentrate on your craft. Do not hurry this. You won't be able to depend on publishing as a primary income for a long time (I still don't), so there's no reason to hurry it. Do not worry more about that other stuff than about how to tell the best story you can. And all of that is a lot a lot a lot harder as a mom. Writer dads I know who aren't the primary care giver have a different situation. They can go off when they have a deadline to a hotel for a few weeks and write, or they work from morning to night for weeks on end and their wife picks up the slack. But I'm the primary care giver, and I don't have that luxury. I don't want it. But figuring out how to do both is stressful. Meeting deadlines, keeping up with daily word counts, juggling one draft at the same time as the copy edits come in for another book and they need it back in a week and there are publicity requests and emails and a sick baby and homework and a school recital and no one but me can do it all. Certain mother tasks cannot be hired out. And none of my writing tasks can be. So it's stressful. And I would say, if you'd be just as happy knitting and mothering or scrapbooking and mothering as writing and mothering, then by all means, do those instead.

But if you can't, then you know who you are and what you need to do.

I don't think anyone should feel like they need to write. But if you are one of the unfortunates haunted by the need, and if you haven't found a good writing routine yet, let me recommend an experiment. And this goes for whatever your passion is, not just writing. Art, music, gardening, cooking, sewing, crafting, getting that degree, starting an animal shelter, whatever. Starting tomorrow, for one week turn off your internet and TV. All week. Scary? No smart phone except for phone calls. No watching movies or shows or clips. No internet at all except--time yourself--10 minutes/day for email and then cut yourself off. Without those time fillers, reexamine your week. How much free time do you have that you didn't think you did? How can you use it? Be brutal. Be hardcore. Start taking your passion seriously. Do it today.

Common mistakes parents make with their beginning readers

Final post from squeetus guest blogger and teacher, Kirsten Wilcox. This post Kirsten addresses common mistakes parents make while helping their kids learning to read.

 



Covering up the pictures:  Even if your child is on a beginning level and you feel they are just “memorizing the words” they are still reading.  DO NOT COVER UP THE PICTURES!  If they have “memorized” the words they are still benefitting from reading the book, especially if you have them point to the words as they are reading it.  Each time they look at the word and read it correctly it is working its way into their memory. 



Getting books that are above their child's reading level:  Don’t get anxious and buy harder books because you want them to grow.  This will slow their learning down rather than speed it up and will cause confidence issues.  



Continuing to read with a child when they are frustrated and angry:  When a child is angry they are unable to concentrate, focus or think.  This will only lead to more anger from both child and parent, and confirm their belief that they don’t like reading.  Try saying, “I can see that your angry right now, and need a little time to cool down.  Go get a drink and let me know when you’re feeling better about things”.  Sometimes they’ll insist they are ready even when you know they aren’t.  I usually say, “I love you too much too read with you when you’re upset.  We need to take a few minutes to calm down”.  They don’t need to go to time out, and it doesn’t need to be a consequence.  When working with my foster boy, he would sometimes throw a raging fit about it, but he quickly learned it just made things last longer.   I never talked to him about it when he was in the angry state.  I learned from their therapist that kids can’t process what you are saying when they are angry.  It is better to talk to them about things when they have calmed down and their mind can listen and think things through.  



Telling a child to sound it out whenever they come to a word they don't know: Sounding out a word is only one strategy and isn’t the answer to everything.  Many words can’t be sounded out.  I usually say, “Let’s say the sounds of the first couple of letters and see if the word ‘pops’ in our head”.  Or I just completely use the other strategies all together. 

Correcting a word immediately after the child makes a mistake:  Sometimes when reading the child will read the word wrong.  Let them continue reading to the end of the sentence to see if they can figure out that the word didn’t make sense.  If they go back and correct it on their own, praise them for it.  If they don’t go back, ask them if what they just read made sense.  



Getting frustrated when a child can't figure out a word or saying, "You just read that word!!!"  :D  This can be frustrating for us as adults, but even if a child just read a word, or it is a word you just talked about, they might need to see it and read it 500 more times before it becomes rote.  This is all part of the learning process and it’s ok.  How many things do we need to hear and do before we get something new down correctly? 



Not reading with their child on a daily basis (even when they've made it to chapter books):  I know it takes a lot of time, and is extremely difficult.  I’ve experienced this first hand, but reading with your child 20-30 minutes each day is so important especially if they’re struggling.  If it is too much time for them you can break it up into smaller pieces.  Let part of the time be talking about the pictures and the book.  Practice sight words with your child (there are many apps that help kids learn sight words you can use for part of the reading time). 

The most important thing is to have fun with it and keep it positive.  :D

 

THANK YOU, Kirsten! Your tips are timely for me. What are your thoughts? Any other traps you've caught yourself falling into? What's worked for you and your kids?

Helping your child with reading comprehension and fluency

Continuing on with our 3-part series, welcome back squeetus guest blogger, Kirsten Wilcox, 1st grade teacher, literacy specialist, and darn fine lady. Next I asked Kirsten what parents can do with emerging readers if they're struggling with comprehension.

 

There are different things you can do with them.  Make sure you are reading with them when they read.  Stop after every few sentences and talk about what was read.  Here are some comprehension strategies I like:

Predict:  Have your child tell you what they think will happen next.
Retell or Summarize:  Have them tell you what they just read--do this every few sentences or paragraphs.  Don’t wait till a whole chapter has been read.
Make Connections:  Have your child tell you what the book reminds them of.  (ie. The Little Red Hen: This book reminds me of when my brother wouldn’t help me clean up our room, or when mom made us homemade bread, etc.) They can also make connections to other books (This book reminds me of Chicken Little because they both had Hens in it). 
Make a picture in their head:  Have them describe or draw what they are seeing when they read a part in the story.  This is a skill some kids have to develop. 
Questioning:  Probably the one we’re the best at.  Asking basic questions, but just because your child can answer the basic questions doesn’t mean they have good comprehension.
Inferring:  Many times kids can ask the basic questions but have trouble with inferring, where I believe true comprehension comes into play.  For example: Once I was doing a reading group with some third graders.  We were reading Stuart Little.  There is a part in the book where the cat is talking to another cat about how frustrated he is having to share his home with a mouse he isn’t allowed to eat.  Meanwhile a bird is sitting on top of a lightpost listening to their conversation.  The other cat says he will go to the home and eat the mouse for him.  That night Stuart Little finds a note saying he is in danger and needs to leave.  When I asked the students, “Who do you think left the note?”  No one could figure it out.  We ended up reading it three times before someone finally said, “It was the bird!”  A good rule of thumb is, when reading with your child, whenever your mind does something or thinks something, check to see if your child’s mind did the same thing.  You would be surprised at how much they might be missing. 
When reading any book, let your child look at the pictures and stop to talk about it.  This processing time is just as important as the time spent reading the words.

If your child is struggling with fluency: 

First of all, fluency isn't just reading fast.  I tell my first graders, it's making your reading sound like talking.  It includes reading smoothly, reading with expression, and phrasing correctly.  Fluency and comprehension go hand in hand.  Many times if a child is having trouble with fluency they are also struggling with comprehension and vice versa. 

One thing that can help with fluency is pair reading.  When you pair read with your child, read the book together at the same time matching your speed to theirs.  As your child starts to read more smoothly stop reading with them, when they start to get choppy, join in again.  I always prepare my students before doing this.  I tell them we are going to read together, but if I stop reading they should continue to read without stopping. 

I also really like the You Read To Me, I Read To You books by Mary Ann Hoberman.  They are fun to read with your child to help build fluency and the kids really like them.  I wouldn’t start this until your child is at least on an F or G reading level. 

It also helps children to hear fluent reading.  Reading to your child can be effective.  If you feel you aren’t a good reader, you can have your child listen to books on cd or audio books on the kindle or ipad.  They should listen while following along with the book. 

Reading books more than once is huge when working with fluency.  If it is a chapter book I always pick a paragraph for them to read a few times working on fluency.  Many times I try to find a paragraph with quotes, because phrasing can be tricky and imperative to comprehension.  It can also help them work on their reading expression. 

Shocking! Shameful! Me at the splash pool!

This summer I took my girls to a toddler splash pool, which was daring of me frankly. We rarely go anywhere. But it was summer, and hey, it was worth a shot. With one walking around the shore trying to break into other people's treat bags and the other adventurously leaping to her possible death in 2 feet of water, I kept busy. The other mothers kept looking over at me. At first I thought it was the natural "that poor lady has twins" gaze that I've gotten used to. But there was more staring than normal. And it seemed somewhat annoyed. Were my girls exceeding the allowed toddler rambunctiousness?

Finally I said to the nearest mother, "Please let me know if my girls are bothering your kids."

She said, "Oh no they're fine."

A beat.

"So, did you make that yourself?"

Make what?

This is how slow I am. It never even occurred to me that they were all staring because I was wearing this:

-minus the husband.

Going to the splash pool had been a last minute decision, and frankly, I hadn't had time to shave. So I was like, hey I'll wear that swimming costume with bloomers I don't get enough use out of. It was cute and also conveniently cover-upper-y. I put it on and didn't think about it again, which seems odd, I know. I guess my whole mind was occupied with toddler twins.

I looked back on the stares, the concern, the apprehension and annoyance from the moms, and finally realized they were simply reacting to my outfit. They didn't know what to make of me. I was wearing an odd costume to a splash pool! Without showing any shame! Or at least breaking out into the Charleston. Was I a lunatic? An attention freak? A sister wife?

The truth was so much simpler. I was a frazzled mother of twins that hadn't had time to shave.

I just love them so much

I already posted this on tumblr, so forgive the repetition.

What much of each day is like:

Plus one example of why they're worth it:

Babies? Being cute? Yes, please.

Check out my upcoming events, including Orem & Midvale, UT signings this Saturday and Writing for Charity on March 17. If you're in Utah and you 1. Have toyed with the idea of being a writer, 2. Like writing but need a kickstart, 3. Have written aplenty but need help with the craft, 4. Have finished product you're not sure how to publish, or 5. Are just curious about writers and like hanging out with us, don't miss this 1 day workshop. We all donate our time and all $ goes to GREAT causes.

In all this talk the last two blog posts about the absence of girls, I thought I should insert a little presence.

She just kept smiling at me from her high chair. Nearly a year and a half old!

She pulled her hair thingies out, which gave her an awesome kind of horn hair action. Poor little scuffed up nose. Toddlers are beings of much action.

This represents one of the 5 social things I've done in the past several months. I'm often asked how I do it: being a mom and a writer. The answer is: that's all I do. You have to give up everything else. For many people, that wouldn't be worth it. For me it is, even if I do miss having friends...at least ones I ever see.

This was a BYOV party: Bring Your Own Vase. Two of my friends had buckets of flowers and everyone could make their own bouquet. Isn't mine gorgeous? I made it all by myself!*

*i.e. I picked out most of the flowers and Shelby fixed it. I have ZERO talent with visual arts. Truly.

Next post, per requests, let's talk about the Missing Moms.