Yesterday (Mother's Day) my 4yo woke me up at 6:30 am. She busied herself with something for a few minutes, so I opened my computer and wrote this.
It's mother's day! And I am a mother. I am not a goddess. I am not a saint. I am not an angel. I am Wile E. Coyote and perfection is the Road Runner. There have been times in my life when I yearned to be a mother and couldn't. There have been times when I was a mother and would have offered up the title to Mephistopheles in exchange for a few hours of sleep. At times I have wept with transcendental joy at the profound miracle of these precious tiny individuals, and hummed and sang and nearly burned up with the honor of being the one who got to care for them. At times I have wept with the crushing burden of being that one and allowed my gaze to flick to the road and contemplate, even for a second, on the possibility of just running away.
Most days fall somewhere between transcendental and crushing.
Mothers are not more blessed and sacred and noble than any other person. To claim so is unloading shovelfuls of weight on us that frankly makes it harder to do what we have to do. Also what we love to do, yearn to do, loathe to do. Choose to do. I am a mother. And I am flawed and messy and stumbling around making all this up as I go along. I don't have the time or the balance to stand on a pedestal. I need to be down on my bare feet, down on my knees at times, in the muck of life. But by all means, give me some chocolate today and an extra hour to sleep in. And give me a day when I'm reminded to think about my own mother, mother-in-law, and leagues of women, with or without children, who don't have the time or balance for a pedestal but are just their badass selves, down here with me, making this all up as we go along.
Yes. And a well-timed offer to share the load of a small task or a great worry is appreciated more than flowers or even chocolate.
Posted by: Kris | May 11, 2015 at 07:55 PM
Hello Wile, I like your this emotional post about moms.
I love my mom too. Thank you very much for sharing wonderful thoughts.
God bless you.
Anmol
Posted by: Anmol Vachan | May 12, 2015 at 08:54 AM
Hey there!
Happy Mother’s Day, Shannon. From what I’ve heard, you are a wonderful mother and a lovely person. I still can’t believe you have TWINS. I know a pair of girl twins, and both of them are really sweet.
So, was it Dinah or Wren who woke you up?
I adore my mom. She is a total sweetheart. If you can’t tell, I’m an Enna at heart and it takes a tough woman to raise me. I think I’m going to dedicate my first book I write to her.
My sister just had a baby, which makes me a happy aunt. It was her first mother’s day and she was so excited. She and her little boy are just like Isi and Tusken, which makes me smile. Lucky for my sister, she didn’t have her baby in a house a day from her castle, and her BFF wasn’t getting sworn into the Bayern army during her childbirth : D
You love chocolate and sleep too? You sound just like my friend.
You may not be perfect, but who is? I’m not, my friends aren’t, even my own mom isn’t. All I can say is that you’re a darn good writer and keep up doing the good work!
Posted by: Jessica | May 12, 2015 at 05:16 PM
This is such an amazing thing. I've shared it with so many people, because it captures my experience of motherhood so very very much. Thank you for putting into words what I could not!
Posted by: Ali M | May 14, 2015 at 06:10 AM
Hey, I just read the extra-meaty bio on the site and I found out that Shannon doesn’t have a middle name and that always bothered her. The good news is, you can get one! I’m pretty sure you can go to the courthouse or something and give yourself a middle name.
If you want some suggestions, here’s my list of favorite girls’ names:
#1: Mao. It’s a Japanese name and the Mao I know is a lovely lady.
#2: Gracie. It means “gracious”. If you want some more spice you could go for Grainne (Irish), Gracja (Polish), Graziella (Italian), or Gracilia (Portuguese).
#3: Adelina. It means “noble”. Other variants are Adeline, Adelita, Alita, Ada, Aline, Adelyn, Adelle, or Adele.
#4: Elena. It’s Russian, and means “light” or “brightness”.
#5: Elizaveta. A form of Elizabeth that I really like.
#6: Isilee. You know what kind of wonderful people are named Isilee.
#7: Enna. Cool!
#8: Miri. I love Miri!
#9: Britta. Such a sweet girl.
#10: Rin. Not only is it after Rinna-girl, it’s a Japanese name.
Posted by: Jessica | May 14, 2015 at 08:09 PM
I love my mom so much. She and I are like Rin and Ma. On my first night at summer camp, I read Forest Born and knew just how Rin was feeling being away from her mother. I cried reading it.
As far as the name, I’d vote Enna. Hence my username. Runners up: Gracie, Isilee, and Adelina. I’ll also note that Adelina is the name of the main character in Gail Carson Levine’s Two Princesses of Bamarre book.
I personally like the names Delia and Saren.
What about Maisie, Maddie, or Raven? Ooh…
Posted by: Ennagirl | May 14, 2015 at 08:23 PM
Shannon, I was just on your tumblr page. I’m so sorry to hear about your friend dying. I know that if I were in your situation, I would be too upset to go on with normal life. In fact, I didn’t even know your friend and I got choked up reading the thing. You are a wonderful person and my heart is with you. Bless you.
Warmest regards (and no, I don’t mean it like Enna says it in Forest Born in reference to Selia),
Jessica
Posted by: Jessica | May 19, 2015 at 05:02 PM