EDIT: Judith Torres and Carter M won the auction and raffle for our Book for Every Child charity event. Their prize was to be featured on my blog. And so read on, Gentle Reader...
I first met Judith Torres in the rain. It was coming down like knives, and I couldn't find a cab. I decided to hoof it back to my hotel, not thinking that I'd have to pass straight through Hell's Pantry.
I was locked into my own thoughts as usual, reflecting on the way the reflections of the street lights reflected goldly on the wet pavement, when suddenly I was surrounded. Two guys with clubs in front, a guy with a chain in back, and leaning against the brick wall was a purple-haired girl wearing a t-shirt that read, "I eat hairballs for fun."
I thought, Where's Rapunzel when you need her? and scrambled for my pepper spray in my purse. Too slow. Chain Guy cut the purse strap right off my shoulder. Club 1 slapped his namesake in the palm of his hand, as if practicing for my head.
"My friends are coming behind me," I lied desperately.
"Poor little lady like you," said Hairball Girl. "I doubt you have friends."
"Maybe not," said a voice from above. "But she's got fans!"
We looked up. Standing on a fire escape, fists on her hips, was the notorious Judith Torres. She leaped down, landing on Club 1's back and sending him sprawling.
"You are Shannon Hale, aren't you?" Judith asked, dispatching Club 2 with a roundhouse.
"Uh, yeah," I said.
"Author of Princess Academy?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"Oh man, I love that book!" she said, grabbing Chain Guy's chain before it smacked her in the head and yanking hard, pulling him face down into a puddle. "But I was really expecting a sequel."
"Sorry about that."
She did a cartwheel into Hairball's face.
"You could write about how Miri sets up a school on the mountain and visits Britta and gets married."
"Yeah, that's a good idea. Um…ruffians?"
She punched Hairball behind her without looking.
"Just think about it?"
"Sure, absolutely."
We looked around. The ruffians had fled.
"Listen, Hell's Pantry isn't safe for people like you who have soft hands…"
"I have calluses," I muttered.
"Let me walk you back to your hotel."
"Typing calluses…"
But I didn't argue. Good thing. We hadn't gone a block before the alley echoed with the whispery scrapes of a hundred slippered feet.
Just my luck. Ninjas.
By the time I'd wrestled my pepper spray free of my maimed purse, Judith had taken out a dozen black-clad martial arts experts whose evil purposes were shrouded in darkness, just like their underwear. Surely I could be of some help! I stretched out my arm and sprayed. Myself. In my own eyes. With my own pepper spray.
I screeched and fell to the ground, scooping rainwater out of the gutter, trying to stop the stinging. I could hear the fight going on around me and it didn't sound hopeful. Judith was tough, no question. But how could she hope to survive when she was outnumbered 50 to 1?
There was a new sound. A sound like a giant fist smacking fifty heads in a row, kind of like the sound you make running your hand over piano keys. Who was this newcomer? The Hulk? Superman? Edward?
Judith called out gleefully, "It's Carter! Carter M! Why, I thought you were a legend!"
In only moments, I heard the sound of a hundred slippered feet fleeing for their lives and two people engaged in a triumphant high-five. I washed the last of the pepper spray out of my eyes and looked up, expecting to see a colossus of a man in heavy armor, possibly riding a dragon.
An eight-year-old boy gave me a crooked smile and a quick wave.
"Hey," he said.
"How did you do that?" I asked.
He shrugged. "I have skills."
"Indubitably," I said cleverly.
"She's Shannon Hale," Judith whispered.
"Who?" he asked.
"You know, the writer? Princess Academy?"
He raised his eyebrows, stumped. So Judith gave him a quick plot summary.
"Oh yeah," he said. "My mom read me that book. But I think it's called Boys Hit Rocks."
It looked like my publisher's questionable plan to market the book to a male audience had worked after all.
This was not the only adventure Judith Torres, Carter M and I would have together. There would be the coven of urban-dwelling witches, the pack of pirate skateboarders, the warren of grizzled sharks, not to mention the adventures we had after we got back to the hotel.
To this day, whenever I encounter a hive of evil, a pit of nefariousness, or my keys locked in my car, I call on Judith Torres and Carter M. Sometimes they even let me join in the fray! From a safe distance.
